Real

Real  - Katy Evans I've rewritten this damn review 4 times over the past 2 days and I'm tired. Real was a book that had me dying laughing within the 1st 30 pages, and I feel it's only right to reenact my thoughts and feelings in gifs. But not ordinary gifs! The funniest of the funny, so stay tuned my loves, and grab that popcorn.

So Real is the story of this chick named Brooke who is still recovering from a horrific injury that cost her, her shot at the olympics. Very boo-hoo, I'm still raw from being robbed of my dream six years ago. So, Brooke's friend convinces her to go to this "underground" boxing match for this guy who is basically sex reincarnated. A man so damn sexy he made Brooke actually yearn for him...deep down in her belly. A man so fierce and talented, that with one look Brooke about ruined her proper little panties just watching him fight. Who is this man, you ask? Well he is Remy, and this review is all about his and Brooke's "relationship". You see Brooke wasn't the only one to have an invisible party in her pants at the sight of Remy. Up in the ring all sweaty, covered in blood and beating the snot out of some smuck, Remy spotted Brooke in a crowd of hundreds, dressed in a very proper and professional pencil skirt, blouse and bun. You know, the complete opposite of the women who are holding  the "I'm Remy's #1 Bitch" signs are wearing. It went something like this:

KHart distracted


But of course he was in the middle of a fight so, his couch was like this


KHart Concentrate


But Remy is so fabulous, he knocked out the guy he was fighting and chased Brooke (who had walked out because she had destroyed her panties). This is where things get interesting. See Remy chases Brooke down a hallway (because that's normal) he then grabs her arm and demands to know her name. Now, personally I would have been all like


KHart put your hands on me


Yeah, I know he didn't mean it in a threatening way, but sweetheart you DO NOT grab a woman who is walking away from you. Under any circumstance.


So this is where things get spoilery so I'll tip toe to preserve your experience.


Brooke just graduated college to become an athletic physical therapist. Remy, is an athlete. Do you see where I'm going? No? Remy hires Brooke for her services. THERAPY services, you perv! And even though Brooke has the hots for him and knows business and pleasure shouldn't mix she accepts the job because he is just so hot!


KHart dancing


And because he is sooo flipping romantic!



"Your name," he growls, panting, his eyes wild on me.
"Uh, Brooke."
"Brooke what?" He snaps out, his nostrils flaring.
His animal magnetism is so powerful I think he just took my voice. -page 98

 

KHart roll my eyes


Personally I would have busted out my can of mace and then kicked him in the nuts but, dagnabit Remy is just too damn sexy for Brooke to notice stranger/stalker danger!


KHart too good looking


From here things get frustrating...err I mean MORE frustrating. Remy is in the middle of a 3 month-long "boxing tour" and so, as his new employee, is Brooke. Three months. Three months of cutesy flirting, bickering, and enough sexual tension to piss off a nun. Three months of listening to Brooke literally (yes, the real definition of literally) beg Remy to have his way with her. I'm talking flat-out



"So you either come get me tonight to make love to me, or you leave me alone so we can both rest."
I expect this threat to elicit more of a reaction. He's a man. This is an open invitation to uncomplicated sex... -page 127

You are absolutely right Brooke! How dare Remmy attempt to clean up his slut bag ways and demand that you know him before he "takes" you?! What kind of douchebag would make such a ludicrous demand?!

KHart Die bitch

I mean obviously Remy is a selfish and sick bastard. Oh wait
I'm so desperate I rake my nails down his arms as I rub my sex against his hard thigh. Sensations shoot off. I whimper, feeling the coiled tension in his shoulders, the smooth velvet of his chest as he devours my mouth, until, the continued feel of my sex brushing against the rock-hard quad muscle of his thigh makes my insides clench and tighten, and I explode. - page 146
...(further down the page)...
When I'm done, he brushes my hair back and looks positively intimate. His Voice. Intimate. Mild with tenderness.
...(just a bit more)...
I. Hate. Him.

err?

KHart Die today

 

So he gives you the first orgasm you've had in months (maybe longer), AND he does so in a completely selfless manner, AND he has the nerve to make sure you enjoyed said orgasm? Yeah. He's the one with the problems here. Obviously. Sadly, from here things only got worse for me.

Remy gets a bit "speedy" sometimes, and I know a lot of readers got to this "revelation" and were all like "ohhh I understand now! All is forgiven!" but we all know that I like to hold my grudges. See Remy was a little like this

KHart mad sad glad

 

 

And while his mood swings weren't something I enjoyed they truly didn't define why I really just didn't like him. His macho "don't use your brain, I have mine" attitude sealed that deal for him long before the big reveal.

I guess you could say, the bottom line is that I didn't enjoy this book even half as much as the rest of the blogger community. I would say I can see why some people were heads over heels in love with it, but that would be a lie, and lying is bad. The writing was choppy at times, the characters made me want to blow things up and the plot went from "so bad it's funny" to wow that's "original".

I really had high hopes for Real and while it really sucks that it didn't work for me, at least I was able to have a little fun.